Crushing the Pandemic® Day 176

I’ve noticed a lot of you whining about ageism lately,
your complaints barely audible over the creaking of your weak, decrepit bones.

You want the truth?
There’s no such thing as ageism.
If you can’t keep up with the Crushennials™,
then that’s on you gramps.

As the great prophet Whitney Houston said—the children are our future, they’re here to take your job and wondering why your chair smells like Ben Gay.

If you want to fight back, it’s time to max out your Geritol intake and step up your GrindGame™. Pick up a weight. Drink some Ovaltine. Shake your sagging ass on TikTok.

B-b-b-but what about wisdom? you mutter as milk of magnesia dribbles down your undefined chin. Surely that’s the exclusive purview of the wrinkled class?

Balderdash.

Wisdom comes from one thing—grinding.
And anyone, at any age, can grind their face off until every last drop of wise juice comes gushing out.

As luck would have it, my GrindYourFaceOff™ program is now just $2,499 for 5 online sessions. And if you sign up in the next 20 minutes, you’ll also get a free six pack of kumquat flavored GrindJuice™ with your purchase.

So buck up boomer, and stick your cries of ageism where the sun don’t shine. If you can even reach down there, you crusty old bastard.