The future is certainly uncertain
Nearly all of the post-COVID predictions are wild speculation at this point, but I think we can all agree that the following things will most certainly be true:
1. Picking other people’s noses will now be frowned upon.
2. All handshakes will be followed by an immediate knee to the groin.
3. Wearing masks will become commonplace, except, ironically, on Halloween, which will be outlawed and turned into a day of remembrance for those who can’t dress as slutty nurses anymore.
4. The seat recline buttons on airplanes will be repurposed to make fart noises.
5. Sporting events will now take place in the cloud and the Cleveland Browns will still suck.
6. Paper money will be outlawed, replaced by a newly developed cryptocurrency backed by toilet paper reserves.
7. Hand sanitizer foam parties will become the next big thing.
8. Zoom will create a new feature that allows you to virtually punch co-workers in the face against any backdrop you choose.
9. Bubble soccer will become the most popular sport in the world.
10. Elon Musk will invent a teleportation device that includes a “preposterous” mode which will shrink you down to microscopic size so you can use your hand-to-hand combat skills to fight the next virus.