The lure of brand purpose

I was going to pick up some fishing lures the other day, but then I went on the company website and found out their brand purpose is “making the best damn lures money can buy.” What kind of tone-deaf horseshit is that? After journaling about it for 17 hours, I immediately bought my lures from their direct competitor, who promise to cure chronic acne in geriatric albino monkeys. The lures disintegrate upon contact with water and they may cause perineal cancer, but at least I can hold my head up high with their logo (an adorable monkey with on shiny red pimple on its forehead) on my new trucker hat.