When your feelings get hurt, don't take it out on your career

Rejection is a part of life. And it’s a huge part of life in the ad business. Our work gets rejected every day. Our portfolios get rejected by on a regular basis. And more often than not, prospective employers reject us as well.

And it sucks. Every time.

But, suckiness aside, you don’t want to respond in a way that might hurt you down the road. So you learn to keep your emotions in check. It’s okay to express honest disappointment, but you should always treat even your harshest critics with respect. 

Easier said than done, I know. When responding to negative feedback, there’s a fine line between disappointment and dickishness. And that line gets even blurrier when you communicate via email or LinkedIn, where your words can easily get misinterpreted. 

This blog entry from ResumeBear.com is a great example. The author was considering two highly qualified applicants for a job. One ultimately rose to the top. The other received a personalized note offering some hope of future opportunity. 

The spurned applicant offered this brief reply:

“Thank you for your response.  Obviously, I had wished that it had been a more positive message.  Personally, I thought my skill set and those required for the position were a reasonably good match.”

Now, how do you interpret this? I see it as a genuine expression of disappointment. But the recruiter thought otherwise. She felt he was being ‘passive-aggressive’ and exercised ‘poor judgement’. Pretty harsh criticism. And unwarranted, in my opinion. 

But recruiters and hiring managers can deal with hundreds of people per week. And the differences between candidates are often minimal.  Even the smallest misstep (unintended or not) can put you in the ‘not worth it’ pile.

So you should probably err on the side of caution. When composing a reply to a rejection letter, always take a pause before sending anything. Chances are, even if you’ve tried to be uber-composed, some hurt feelings will seep into your prose. Give yourself an hour to simmer down and then re-read your email. If it still feels genuine and positive, send it off. If not, take another crack at it. 

This same notion holds true in our face-to-face interactions as well. When someone criticizes your work, take a breath before bringing the full force of your fury upon them. It’s not easy, I know. Like most creatives, I’ve tossed my share of sarcastic barbs in my day. And I’m sure it will happen again. But as a general rule, you don’t want to alienate yourself from every person you come in contact with. So pull a few punches once in a while. Force a smile. Swallow your pride.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t defend your work. Just try not to be an asshole about it. This is an incredibly small industry we work in. And we’ve got enough assholes already.