Work from home like a boss

10 tips for for a successful work-from-home-while-the-world-is-falling-apart experience.

1. Dress like you’re actually going to work. But pick any job you like. Today, I work in the theater, playing the role of “man on couch, covered in Doritos dust.”

2. Embrace modern tech. Earlier, I used Zoom to show everyone how many pores I have on my forehead.

3. Use time saved not commuting to research viable alternatives to toilet paper.

4. Consider fostering a pet. If you’re missing those judgmental stares from clients, I highly recommend cats.

5. Exercise every chance you get; I’m up to 451 kegels already this morning.

6. Invent fun games. My favorites so far are Involuntary Face Touch Bingo and Speed Oreo Eating.

7. Enjoy the sounds of nature. Or, if you live in the city, enjoy the sounds of someone peeing on the sidewalk outside your window.

8. Rest easy, knowing you don’t have to figure out which Vitamin Water bottle best disguises a 2015 Pinot Noir.

9. Make your kids interns. Later, regale your friends with the story of the intern who farted in your face and threw your sandwich into the ceiling fan while you were Skyping with clients.

10. Learn to multitask. You’d be surprised how much you can get done while bingeing Murder She Wrote and giving your cat cornrows.